btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think I just sharted jello shots
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