am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
