And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
