stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
