Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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