I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize