Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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