We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
