First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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