Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
