He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
