Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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