I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
