She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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