im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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