Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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