I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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