that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
