i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize