so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
