She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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