you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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