If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
