i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
