and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
