can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
