I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize