your room smells of hookers.
And success
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
