1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
