Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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