Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize