So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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