i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
