I am puke
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
