you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize