He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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