Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
