how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize