Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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