goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
