Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
