No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
