I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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