Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
