You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You took a bar mat shot.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
