apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
