yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
