i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
