It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize