Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He felt like a one man threesome
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
