I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
