im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
