She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Come share oat with me in your robe
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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