grandma shit on top of the toilet
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
