If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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