Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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