I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize