it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
