I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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