I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
