Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So here I am, sexting at work.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
