I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
love makes seman taste better
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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