he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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