Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
