goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
