I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize