By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
