hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Say something about gay babies.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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