Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize