she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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