Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
