So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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