i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
