direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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