1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
