I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
