she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
