I bet he comes in French.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
