You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize