so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
