I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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