And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
