Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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