do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
