you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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