They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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