i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
