You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
