he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
