Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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