Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
