May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
