I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
