I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
