did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize