i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
