Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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