Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
