this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
