she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
