rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
