You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
