Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
