I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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