i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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