If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Success! We fucked roommates!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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