Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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