just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
