i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
