i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
