Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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