Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
