i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize
