I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
